I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
