i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
