everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
