he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize