My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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