im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
