Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
