yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My feet surprised me
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
