I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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