"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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