I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
