he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I have already put on my inside pants.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
