I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize