Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
