You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
