life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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