Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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