Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My liver just had a heart attack.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
