Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize