There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
