I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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