Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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