dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
