I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
