My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
