tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
