we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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