It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
