Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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