Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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