I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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