Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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