Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
