I wish I could punch you in the face.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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