I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
