marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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