did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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