You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
