I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
