You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
