if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
