maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
