explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
