We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm at about main and main street
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My life is pants optional.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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