i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
