you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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