she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
