I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
