My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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