Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
