ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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