perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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