Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
