I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize
