Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize