and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
