My underwear smells like fireworks.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
