Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
