oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
