Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize