I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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