Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
