wat bout pragnant strippers??
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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