whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
