I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
