My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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