That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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