well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
