So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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