I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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