I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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