im drinking this country out of the recession.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
