When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
