apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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