I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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