Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
