Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
