She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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